What's Your Attachment Style?

1. I take my time getting to know people.*

Strongly disagree
Disagree
Unsure
Agree
Strongly agree

2. I rely on others to help me make decisions in life*

3. People let me down a lot*

4. I miss the company of others when I'm alone*

5. It’s best not to get too emotionally close to other people*

6. I worry a lot if people I live with arrive back later than expected*

7. I usually rely on advice from others when I've got a problem*

8. I feel uncomfortable when people get too close to me*

9. People close to me often get on my nerves*

10. I feel people are against me*

11. I worry about things happening to close family and friends*

12. I often get into arguments*

13. I'm clingy with others*

14. I look forward to spending time on my own*

15. I like making decisions on my own*

16. I get anxious when people close to me are away*

17. I feel uneasy when others confide in me*

18. I find it hard to trust others*

19. Having people around me can be a nuisance*

20. I feel people haven't done enough for me*

21. It’s important to have people around me a lot of the time*

22. I find it difficult to confide in people*

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closeness total

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Your feelings about others tend to be a mixed bag. You have a big relationship appetite – it takes a lot to 'fill you up' and also relationships tend to consume a lot of your emotional energy, sometimes even leading to arguments. While you need closeness from a range of people, especially from those who are your nearest and dearest, sometimes it feels hard to trust others and you have barriers up. You have a lot of 'deep down' feelings to negotiate. What ultimately makes you feel safe and secure is having other people around but that’s difficult to achieve because a deep worry is that that others won’t be there for you, and that worry can turn into strong feelings of being left behind, rejected or abandoned. It feels like the world isn’t a safe place, especially when it comes to relationships with others.

Your attachment style key ingredients: your sociability and sensitivity.

Your attachment style 'hot spots': managing those strong, conflicting 'push/pull' feelings with other people – sometimes you don’t know if it’s best to push others away or to pull them in close to you.

You’re just not sure about other people – there’s something about being with others that doesn’t feel safe or secure. Having alarm bells on for those who can’t be trusted is key. In fact, it takes a lot for you to let someone into that special circle of trust in your life. This makes sense if you think about your past experiences of when people have been closer – it’s never ended well and has left you with feelings of hurt in some way, either feeling hurt yourself or sometimes wanting someone else to know what that hurt feels like, so giving them a 'taste of their own medicine', so to speak. You are more likely to want to stay away rather than get close to people – too much closeness is uncomfortable and even risky because people are unreliable and will let you down The general feeling is that it’s best to keep others at arm’s length and avoid.

Your attachment style key ingredients: your assertiveness and independence.

Your attachment style 'hot spots': asking for help in times of need – that can feel really difficult to do.

In your style of relating, being sociable is key – you like company and enjoy having others around you and sometimes find yourself missing them when they are away. You would more approach than avoid people, in a range of ways, for example, by asking for others’ opinions when making up your mind or asking someone to do something with you. You are likely to make contact when those close to you are away or when you find yourself alone. There can be times when feelings of being left behind or abandonment creep in when you’re on your own, which could perhaps be linked to an earlier experience of feeling like this. You are generally quite trusting of people and overall, the closer people want to be to you, the better.

Your attachment style key ingredients: your sociability and warmth

Your attachment style 'hot spots': being or having to do things on your own – sometimes it’s not your preference

You feel secure in your relationships and how close you are to people in your life. You have good quality, close relationships with trusted individuals whom you can go to in times of crises or simply when you need to need to talk something through that’s on your mind. You have confidence that your nearest and dearest will be there for you when you need them. You are comfortable with being close to others, including having emotional closeness through talking and sharing, and this is reciprocated in the close relationships you have. You don’t tend to worry about hurting others or others hurting you. In fact, there isn’t much drama when it comes to relationships and people in your life. You are also ok with the relationship you have with yourself – you feel fine in your own company too and solid in your own decision-making. You can effectively communicate what you need and how you feel, and your relationships are all the better for it.

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